Learn Something New Every Day

You’ll be interested in four practical courses I created to help you become a better person. These are short lessons that arrive in your email.  Here are four of my free courses.

Here’s what the folks at Daily Bits of have to say:

“Daily Bits Of is a service for people who love learning. People whose curiosity never ends, who see gaining knowledge as an ongoing process and who believe they can acquire any skill they might need to handle work and life’s challenges.

We know that finding time for learning can be difficult. We buy books that pile up, save articles that remain unread and rarely have time for that online course we’ve been longing to take. This is why we created Daily Bits Of as a tool to help people create a daily habit of learning something new.”

TAKE A COURSE

Overcome Your Fear of Selling

Taking the Fear Out of Public Speaking

The Art of Listening

Preventing Marketing Paralysis

I hope you enjoy these courses.

Source material has been taken from my book Critical Connections – The Step-by-Step Guide to Transform Your Business Through Referral Marketing

Is Your Web Content Compelling?

Feature-Oriented Content

Back in the day (when exactly was that)? advertisers would go to great lengths to tout the features of their product or service. Their goal was to convince you that the quality of their product or service was superior. Think of how excited you got when you read the product’s promotional literature. It probably sounded like a technical owner’s manual. An owner’s manual tells you about the details of a product.

Feature-oriented language reminds me of the old television show, Dragnet, where the police would say, “All we want are the facts, ma’am”. Features = facts. Feature-oriented content is telling someone about something. Not very convincing, in fact, it’s downright boring. Feature-oriented content is what’s known as ‘tell’ content. “Let me tell you about X, Y and X features of my product of my service. Where’s the compelling sales message?

Benefit-Oriented Content

Towards the end of the early years, some creative advertising writer thought that advertising messages should focus, not only on the features of a product, but, also on the benefits of the product they are selling. And so, benefit-oriented content came flying in to the mainstream. Benefit-oriented content answers the question, “What’s in it for me, the customer?” Benefit-oriented content sells, not tells. This type of content convinces customers that your product or service will help them. Customers want to know what your product or service can do for them.

Use benefit-oriented content on your website, brochure, or any other printed material. Start with a short headline. Try to use less than seven words in the headline. Next, write a few sentences of introductory content followed by a bulleted list of benefits. Use as few bullets as possible in order to keep your message clear and concise. Always put a call-for-action on the bottom such as Call Me, Email Me, Go To My Website, etc. Don’t use gratuitous graphics or stale free clip art.

Here’s an example of how features can be turned into benefits. This example is taken from Varidesk’s (the manufacturer of stand-up work desks) promotional content I found on their website.

Example of Promotional Content Used by Manufacturer of Stand-Up Desks

Feature Benefit to Customer
Patented two-handle design coupled with a spring-assisted boost-enabled lifting mechanism Makes moving from sitting to standing quick and easy
Desk works either standing or sitting Perfect way to increase energy, your health, and productivity
No hardware needed to secure desk to workstation Easy to install

The Benefits column definitely answers the question, “What’s in it for me”.

Now it’s your turn. Think about your business. In the left column, list three features of your product or service. On the corresponding right column, turn each feature into a benefit.

What Product or Service Do I Sell?

Feature                                                                     Benefit to Customer
1. 1.
2. 2.
3. 3.

 Now that you’re comfortable features into benefits, get to work on re-writing all your promotional content.

What’s The Difference Between an Elevator Speech and a Power Message?

Today I’m going to discuss power messages and elevator speeches. The topic of topic of elevator speeches is covered in my post called Does Your Elevator Speech Stop at the Right Floor?

If you’re self-employed and your business relies on referrals from colleagues or others, you’ll want to have an elevator speech and power message. Your elevator speech is aimed at those people in a position to refer business your way. Your power message is what you say to potential customers or clients. Your power message generally takes place on the phone.

Why do you need both an elevator speech and a power message? You  might ask yourself, “Why can’t I say the same thing to both referrers and prospective clients? Use your power message when a potential client wants to know what you do and how you can help them. Focus on what you do within the context of what is in it for the potential client or customer. Your power message is less scripted than your elevator speech.

What do you say if a prospect initially asks you how much you charge? I call this type of prospect a ‘shopper’. First, do not answer the question. Second, do not launch into your power message. Ask a few benign questions such as, “What are you looking for? Have you talked to others in the same business?” If you are unable to redirect the conversation back to the other person, then quickly land the plane by simply stating your fee (or a range of fees). Try once more to turn the conversation back to the customer. Shoppers shop for bargains. You are not a bargain-basement store.

Is it okay to use jargon in your power message? It depends on who the customer is and how much knowledge he or she has about your business. It may be fine to use some jargon with a customer who knows your business. If you have a customer unfamiliar with your business, the moment you start to use jargon, you will lose the customer’s attention. The conversation automatically shifts back to you instead of focusing on the prospect’s needs. See my post Here Comes the Jargon Police.

Now it’s time to write your power message. Aim your message at the person most likely to purchase your product or service.

Here’s an example of a power message used on the phone.

I worked with a fitness studio to create a new marketing program. One objective of the marketing plan was to get prospective clients to call the studio for a complimentary training session. The owner was targeting men over age 50 who had metabolic syndromes (Metabolic syndromes are clusters of conditions – increased blood pressure, a high blood sugar level, excess body fat around the waist and abnormal cholesterol levels – that occur together, increasing risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes. (www.mayoclinic.org).

“My name is Meg B. and I’m the manager at Fitness Strength & Training in Any City, USA. I have been a personal trainer for the past 11 years and have a Bachelor’s Degree from Penn State in Kinesiology. I’ve worked with people who are diabetic, elite athletes, and many weight-loss clients. Fitness Strength & Training is a unique fitness studio because you receive a personalized exercise experience, nutrition coaching, and most importantly, accountability. All of our training sessions are conducted one-on-one in semi-private rooms to eliminate dis- traction. We help people realize their true potential as we coach them towards a healthier lifestyle. “I’d be happy to offer you one complimentary training session. Also, I’d like your contact information so I can send you our newsletter.”

The above power message contained three parts:

  1. Information about the trainer
  2. Information geared to helping the client
  3. A strong landing or closing

This power message is only 126 words. She said what was needed and stopped.

A power message is not as structured as an elevator speech. Meg clearly articulated the goal of training: a healthier lifestyle. It’s the “What’s in it for me (the client)” part of the message and she smoothly, in a self-assured way, landed the plane.

Here are some do’s and don’ts concerning your power message.

  • Don’t tell the caller what you don’t do
  • Frame all conversations in a positive way
  • Your power message should be modified to fit your website, online business presence, other online professional listings, or additional promotional information.
  • Practice your message. Write it down and say it out loud.
  • Have someone listen to your power message. Ask him or her to give you feedback. Ask for one thing he or she liked about your message and one technical suggestion he or she might have for you.

Having a strong power message will make you a more powerful businessperson.

 

For more tips on elevator speeches and power messages go to http://www.criticalconnectionsbook.com

Do You Suffer From Brochure Inertia?

You all know a small business owner who has stacks of unused brochures lying around his or her office. If you asked why the brochures are here, that business owner might say:

  • I printed too many.” or
  • “The content is out-of-date.” or
  • “Now that I’ve had them for a while, I don’t like the color.” or
  • “I found a typographical error after the brochures were printed.”

Each of these excuses are symptoms of Brochure Inertia. Brochure Inertia can be prevented if you consider the following:

  1. Narrow your list, so your mailing tasks will be manageable.
  2. Where will you get the proper mailing list? How much will the mailing list cost?
  3. How many brochures and cover letters should you print? Always mail a brochure along with a cover letter unless you are printing a self-mailer.
  4. Who will write, design and print the brochure?
  5. How much will it cost for design, printing, and postage?

 If you need help with writing and design, go online and search for ‘direct marketing’. You’ll find tips on how to write brochures. You’ll get a feeling of the range of fees and costs involved in printing and mailing a brochure.

My favorite adaptation of the brochure is what I call a capabilities sheet (some refer to it as a pitch sheet). These are printed on one side of a piece of paper only – I print mine on my color laser printer. I like them because I can change the copy to fit the specific needs of a customer or referrer.

For example, I met with a lawyer in a mid-sized law firm to discuss conducting a client retention program. I had previously written a one-page capability sheet for another type of client. This particular client owned a company that provided continuing education programs for healthcare professionals. I wrote a capabilities sheet for this company to deliver a customer service training program for his twelve employees. It was easy for me to modify the existing capabilities sheet for the lawyers.

Three tips to think about when you sit down to write a capabilities sheet:

  • Use bullets in the middle of the sheet and limit the number of bullets (I suggest maximum of seven).
  • Don’t squeeze your phone number, email address, and website on the 
very bottom of the sheet.
  • Next time you check your snail mail, see if there are any postcard styles that would work for your customers or referrers.

I once heard a marketing professional say the purpose of a brochure was to be put in a filing cabinet or desk drawer.

This pessimistic statement does have some merit. But let’s face it, you have to have something tangible to mail and give customers.

 

There’s lots more tips and tactics to build your business in Critical Connections-The Step-by-Step Guide to Transform Your Business Through Referral Marketing

What’s The Difference Between Transactional and Relationship Marketing?

What’s The Difference Between Transactional and Relational Marketing?

Let’s say you’re creating a marketing plan to sell garden hoses. Your marketing strategies and sales tactics are straightforward transactions. When you sell a product, your customer shops for price and options- length, thickness, type of material, etc.

There is little or no emotional involvement in the sale. The sale is a direct transaction using traditional sales techniques.

However, if you provide personal or professional services such as financial planning, tutoring, or any type of consulting, your marketing and sales tactics are relational, not transactional. Relational selling requires you to make a connection with potential clients or customer prior to making the sale. Relational selling is value driven, not price driven. You must assure potential clients or customers they are receiving a high-quality service delivered by a knowledgeable professional. In a relational model, there is emotional involvement in the sales process. Chances are that when you consider buying a  garden hose is sales process is not an emotionally-charged experience,

Think about the following:

  1. Do my marketing and sales efforts require transactional or relational strategies?
  2. If I’m marketing a professional service, what is the one key message I want my potential client to know?
  3. If I’m selling a product, what are the one or two most important features and benefits of my product?

Keep in mind that marketing professional services is all about building and maintaining relationships with your clients and customers.

 

For more information about relationship and referral-based marketing, click HERE.

Selling is Not a Four Letter Word

“Sales are contingent upon the attitude of the salesman-not the attitude of the prospect.

W. Clement Stone

Two of the most frustrating challenges preventing new business owners from becoming successful marketers are: 1) fear of selling, and 2) fear of setting and discussing fees or prices. I often hear new business owners say things like, “I’m not a salesperson”…”, I don’t know how to do it”…”I feel anxious at the thought of selling myself”.

Before we discuss how to overcome your fears, let’s talk about the role anxiety plays in a sales situation.

The Look Out Syndrome

You’re meeting with a prospective customer or client and start to feel nervous and self-doubting about your ability to sell. As your anxiety level increases, you focus your attention on the other person–their body language, facial expressions, or general demeanor, instead of listening to what is actually being said.

You might assume the other person is thinking negative thoughts about you. Often, your evaluation of these non-verbal cues is incorrect.

You might say to yourself, “Will I get the sale?” Now, more doubts about yourself start creeping into your head–“Is the look on the other person’s face saying he doesn’t want to work with me or purchase my product?” As a result, you probably didn’t hear most of what the other person said. You were too busy looking into the other person.

I call this the Look Out Syndrome: I am looking at you looking at me. 
And, 
I am wondering what you are thinking about me.

When you’re on the Look Out and not listening, you don’t say what you want to say because you’re too busy trying to figure out what the other person is thinking. Can we attribute Looking Out to inexperience? Immaturity? No self-control? Probably none of these.

Chances are you are scanning the prospective client so intensely that you repeat yourself or ask the same question more than once. Clearly, your thinking brain is offline.

How to Avoid the Look Out Syndrome

  1. Look at the other person, not into them. Focus on the color of their eyes, the color of their hair, or any other feature. Focusing on physical features will calm your brain so your thoughts stay focused in the present. Then there is little or no room to think what they’re thinking about you.
  1. Listen. This is probably the easiest thing in the world to say and the most difficult thing in the world to do. What is listening? How do you listen? How do you know if you’re being listened to? My advice: go online. There are plenty of resources and tutorials that can help you develop effective listening skills.
  1. Think business at all times. Your job is to sell your product or service, not to start a budding friendship. You don’t want new friends; you want customers or clients. If you focus on understanding and satisfying the business needs of customers and clients, rather than Looking Out, you’ll be able to keep personal interests out of the equation.

Fear of Selling 

“Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important.’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.”

Mary Kay Ash

Some small business owners suffer from a debilitating condition called Fear of Selling. This phobia occurs when a business owner starts thinking about being in a position to sell their product or service. The business owner goes into a panic and fear mode. It doesn’t matter if the sales situation is on the phone, via Skype or in person, fear still rears its ugly head.

Two of the most common fears are:

  • Fear of delivering a sales presentation to a group
  • Fear of giving a talking a conference or seminar

Yes, it’s the dreaded fear of public speaking. The technical terms for fear of public speaking is Glossophobia.  Two more fears that are common are:

  • Cold-calling a prospect
  • Talking to a known prospect on the phone

The fear of talking on the phone presents a real challenge for some business owner. The business owner cannot ‘read’ the other person. The business owner can’t pick up on any non-verbal cues. It’s almost as if the business owner is involved in a monologue, not a sales dialogue. It’s also hard to know when to stop the conversation so the other person can speak.

To understand how you feel when confronting the above fears, ask yourself which one of the following reactions apply to you?

Fear of delivering a sales presentation/fear of giving a talk at a conference:

  • Been there, done that – no big deal
  • I feel nervous, sick to my stomach, but I do it.
  • I feel nervous but I’ve got it under control.
  • I’m breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it and I’m not going to do it.

Cold-calling a prospect

  • Been there, done that – no big deal.
  • I feel nervous, sick to my stomach, but I do it.
  • I feel nervous but I’ve got it under control.
  • I’m breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it and I’m not going to do it.

Talking to a known prospect on the phone for the purpose of upselling

  • Been there, done that – no big deal.
  • I feel nervous, sick to my stomach, but I do it.
  • I feel nervous but I’ve got it under control.
  • I’m breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it and I’m not going to do it.

Here’s what you should do and what you should not do to minimize your fear.

#1 Do not read, word-for-word your presentation. Refer to key talking points using an outline.

#2 If you are using PowerPoint, do not look at your slides. In other words, don’t talk to your slides. Instead, face your audience and talk directly to them. Again, talk from an outline

#3 If you want to create more anxiety and raise your fear level, tell a joke at the beginning. Chances are, you’ll be so anxious that the joke will fall flat. No canned jokes, please.

#4 Keep your phone calls brief and definitely work from a script.

Even though email marketing is an effective way to deliver your sales message, you want to think twice about whether you are using email as a way to avoid talking on the phone.

After all, you don’t want to have an anxiety attack in front of potential customers.

 “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” Les Brown

Here are four more fears of selling. These fears revolve around the business owner’s lack of confidence and feeling they are not persuasive or convincing in a sales situation.

  • A manifestation of fear of selling is hiding behind jargon, instead of speaking informally. Using jargon make it almost impossible for a customer to relate to you, as a person. Jargon keeps you at a distance from your customer. I was attending a local networking event, and overheard a psychotherapist talking to a lawyer – a potential referrer. The therapist thought the lawyer might have clients with emotional or relationship problems. In this case, the therapist was trolling for referrals. The therapist said to the lawyer, “I do psychotherapy, Gestalt Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and EMDR”. That was a sure-fire way to turn off a potential referrer. This is a great example of how not to be relational. There might be a time, when in a sales situation, you would use some technical talk, especially if you are talking to someone who is in your industry or profession.

 

  • Asking prospective customers if they want to meet rather than suggesting a specific time to meet. When people feel insecure about themselves in a sales situation, they do not want to irritate or turn off a prospective customer. So, they ‘play it safe’ and ask.

 

  • Convincing a skeptical prospect of the value of your service or product. You are not a door-to-door salesperson selling vacuum cleaners. Don’t laugh, some people feel they are going door-to-door selling. You are selling value and solutions based on your professional expertise. If you stick with the tried and true sales approach of discussing the benefits of your product or service, you won’t feel like a vacuum cleaner salesperson.

 

  • Knowing when to end the discussion. When it comes to closing the sale or terminating a conversation, you want to ‘land the plane smoothly’. Why is landing the plane so difficult for some people? Why do competent people get flustered? Some people hesitate landing the plane due to their fear of rejection. Landing the plane requires you to be open, honest, and direct with the other person. You might balk at having to plan and even rehearse your landing statements. What happens if during the landing process, you experience the dreaded awkward silence? It’s perfectly okay to wait a few seconds without conversation. This is a good time for you to take a deep breath and remember your landing script.

Here are five examples of how and how not to land the plane.

Wimpy Way                                                  Direct Way

Can I call you?                                                When can I call you?

Do you have a business card?               I’d like one of your business cards

Can I have your email address?
            What’s your email address?

Maybe we should have lunch?              When, at your convenience can we have lunch?

Can I be a Contact in LinkedIn?           I’ll make contact with you on LinkedIn


These suggestions might seem simplistic and common sense. But in a sales situation, with your fears and anxieties out of control, you can remind yourself that you have tools to cope.

 

Fear of Fees

“Fears are nothing more than a state of mind.” Napoleon Hill

Over the years, I’ve talked to small business owners, lawyers, psychotherapists, physicians, accountants, and other professional and personal service providers. When I ask them how they feel about having a direct discussion about their fees, I hear:

  • “After being in practice for many years, I’m still uncomfortable bringing up the subject of fees”
  • “I wish someone else would do it for me”
  • “I try to avoid it as much as possible”
  • “It’s always an awkward conversation”
  • “I don’t feel I’m worth it to charge this much”

 I was coaching a young woman, Natalie, who recently graduated with a doctoral degree in physical therapy. She wanted to open a private practice but questioned her ability to ‘sell herself’. She was filled with self-doubt. One of several goals of coaching was for Natalie to confront her doubts about selling. We made a list of her self-doubts regarding selling. We addressed these self-doubts by replacing each negative message with a positive one.

 

Negative message Replaced with Positive Message
I have no confidence in my ability to sell I’m really good at building relationships. I can leverage that skill to promote my practice.
I don’t know where to start when it comes to selling my services I don’t need to know everything about selling. I can ask a friend for help.
I am more comfortable talking about physical therapy than selling myself I bring a lot of passion to what I do. I’ll communicate this to engage potential patients.

Two years after Natalie finished coaching with me, I sent her an email and asked her how things were going. She said she opened a physical therapy practice with a colleague from graduate school. She was treating patients and loving it.

What about you? Look at the questions below and answer YES or No for each question. If you answered YES to any of the questions, ask yourself what negative messages you have about money and suggest a positive message to replace the negative one.

  • Do you feel that you do not have enough experience to justify your fee?
  • Do you ask your customers if they think your fees are reasonable?
  • Are you afraid you are not charging enough?
  • If you state your fee, are you afraid the customer will say no?
  • If a customer balks at your fee, do you drop the price?
  • Are you afraid you are charging too much?

Believing in yourself, and your competence will help you overcome your fear of selling. This won’t happen overnight, but keep on reminding yourself of your positive message.

Let’s take a deeper look at the topic of fear of discussing fees. The discussion of fees would not be complete without talking about money.

“Nearly all of the 2014 Stress in America survey respondents (95 percent) said parents should talk to their kids about money. But only 64 percent said they themselves were taught how to manage money, and just 37 percent said they often talk with their family members about the subject.” Stress in America Survey

Ask yourself:

  • Did my family of origin speak openly and in a healthy way about money and finances?
  • Did my family of origin openly and fearfully discuss money or finances?
  • Did my family avoid any discussion about money?

Money avoidance: Believing that money is bad or that you do not deserve money. For people with this personality, money can evoke feelings of fear, anxiety, or disgust. Low-income, younger, and single individuals were more likely to hold this attitude. Brad Klontz

One of my clients told me that, as a child, her parents were hesitant to discuss money. In fact, they did not discuss money at all. As an adult, my client started two businesses. Both businesses were bankrupt within two years. My client blamed her failure on her inability to handle money. After her businesses failed, she confronted her parents about the money issue. Her father said he was afraid that giving his children too much information would have a negative impact on their adult life by diminishing their child’s goal or values. You can see why this client was fearful.

What are some of the manifestations of fear of discussing fees?

You have probably encountered a potential customer/client who, the first thing off the bat says, “How much do you charge?” or “What’s your fee?” In the rush to make the sale, you tell the other person exactly what they are looking for –a price. This person gets what he/she is looking for and most of the time will terminate the discussion. I affectionately refer to these people as ‘price shoppers’.

If you have fear of fees, here’s a way to slow down your thinking, so you can focus. Initially, do not state your fee. Do not say ‘”how can I help you?” (The response to “How can I help you” sets up an unrealistic expectation that you will help this person). Also, do not launch into your elevator speech. Eventually, you’ll want to discuss fees. Instead, ask a few benign questions such as:

  • What are you looking for?
  • Have you talked to others in the same business?
  • Have you ever purchased services (or products) like mine?

If you are unable to redirect the conversation back to the other person’s needs, then quickly land the plane by simply stating your fee (or a range of fees) and ending the conversation. Some business owners make one more attempt to turn the conversation back to the customer. If this doesn’t work, say, “goodbye and good luck!

When I first started out as a freelance marketing consultant, my only reference point for how much to charge was based on my experience at a large consulting firm. I could not charge anywhere near what they charged. I ruminated over whether I should charge an hourly fee or one fee for the entire project. I had no idea of what those fees would be. I realized I was anxious about talking about fees. I’d rather not talk about fees.

No one in my family would talk about money. No one would talk about the family budget. I never knew if my parents were or were not in debt. I had no idea of what things cost and how to budget. I tried to focus on the positives. I knew I had all the credentials and experience that potential clients wanted. I then knew I could face my fears and discuss fees with my clients.  Remembering that my family never discussed money helped me realize why this was hard for me. It took awhile for me to come to grips with this fear.

Now that you’ve examined your fear of selling and fear of fees, here are four tips you can use to minimize the impact of your fears.

1. State your fee and shut up. Don’t justify your fee or over-talk. Let the customer respond. Keep this discussion as short as possible.

2. Stick to your guns. Do not sell yourself short by dropping your fee. In a moment of panic and in desperation to make the sale, all sorts of thoughts are racing through your mind. You know how much time, energy, and money it took to bring your product or service to market. Leave no room for negotiation.

3. Take a sales training course. Sometimes, I recommend that my clients attend a short sales training course. I’m not referring to 2-hour sales training seminars designed to lure you into purchasing a costly training package. In fact, I have some reservations about sales training courses. First, most of what is taught is common sense, just neatly packaged in a step-by-step methodology. Some sales training courses focus on the techniques used by the course leader. These leaders tend to be somewhat charismatic and the focus is on the leader, not you. Second, many sales training courses use their own jargon, which might be off-putting to you. Third, unless specifically tailored to your profession or business, general sales training courses might not offer specific industry-related insight or buyer behavior patterns. Fourth, some sales training courses offer a plethora of tips, tactics, and ideas. This might be the case of too much information. If you do want to take a sales training course, I recommend you consult your professional or business association. See what they have to offer. Weigh the time, cost, and energy you spend on taking a course against the benefits you might get. See what happens.

4. Get a mentor or a coach. Mentors are individuals who are willing to assist you at no cost. Mentors tend to be senior executives or retirees. Many communities around the country have mentoring programs sponsored by local business councils. Coaches charge you by the hour. Whichever you choose, getting a mentor or coach is probably the best way to get a handle on how to discuss fees. It’s been my experience the best mentors are those in businesses not related to yours. Even though they do not have your industry-specific information and experience, they do know how to do the most important thing you need: discussing fees and closing deals. You’ll get a fresh perspective on selling. Caveat: Look online and you’ll see many organizations that offer coaching certification. Before you hire a coach, check out his or her certification. Does the credential seem credible? Will the coach let you talk to current or former clients?

Now you have tips and tactics to use so you won’t be selling yourself short.

 

There’s lots more tips and tactics to build your business in Critical Connections-The Step-by-Step Guide to Transform Your Business Through Referral Marketing

What is the Look Out Syndrome?

Tamara is a 29-year-old freelance destination-wedding planner. She left her job as an administrative assistant at a large event planning company to start her own business. During her time at the company, she made valuable contacts in the hospitality industry with hotel managers, caterers, travel agents, airline personnel, photographers, videographers, florists, bridal consultants, disc jockeys, bands, etc. She felt confident she could make it on her own.

When she started her business, Tamara did not fully realize that she had to develop trusting business relationships with the bride and groom and their respective parents and all of the vendors who would be providing the services.

She did not feel confident at the thought of working with all these people. She also felt uneasy thinking about working in overseas venues.

Tamara was fortunate and got a referral from a former colleague. This would be Tamara’s first client. When Tamara’s friend told her about the referral, Tamara’s brain went into overdrive and she felt nervous, to say the least. She remained in this stirred up state right up until the time she met face-to-face with the prospective client.

Her anxiety led to what I call the Look Out Syndrome. The Look Out Syndrome occurs when you are in a situation with another person and you focus your attention on theother person’s body language, facial expressions, or general demeanor instead of listening to what is being said. Often, your evaluation of these non-verbal cues is incorrect and usually negative. Most importantly, you imagine the other person is thinking negative thoughts about you.

 

 

 

Tamara fear of rejection was overwhelming. Not only was Tamara scanning for danger by looking out, she also questioned herself, “Will I get the sale?” “Am I qualified?” “What do they think of me?” Now more doubts about her confidence started creeping into her head. Tamara said to herself, “Is the look on the other person’s face saying he doesn’t want to work with me?” This is called negative self-talk. As a result, she didn’t hear most of what the prospective client wanted. Not good.

Here’s another way to look at the Look Out Syndrome:

I’m looking at you looking at me
And
I’m wondering what you’re thinking about me.

What a mess. When you experience The Look Out Syndrome and you’re not listening, you don’t say what you want to because you’re too busy trying to figure out what the other person is thinking. Can we attribute Tamara’s case of Looking Out to inexperience? Immaturity? No self-control? Probably none of these.

Tamara was scanning the prospective client so intensely that she asked the same question three times. Clearly, Tamara’s thinking brain was offline. She was in a reactive mode and her emotions took over.

What happened? The prospective client did not hire Tamara.

Tips to prevent the Look Out Syndrome

  1. Look at the other person, not into them. Focus on the color of their eyes, the color of their hair, or any other feature. Focusing on physical features will calm your brain so your thoughts stay focused in the present. Then there is no room to think what they’re thinking about you.
  1. Listen. This is probably the easiest thing in the world to say and the most difficult thing in the world to do. What is listening? How do you listen? How do you know if you’re being listened to? Look online for tutorials that teach listening skills for business people.
  1. Turn that frown upside down. I’m a big fan of faking it – to a point. Pretend to be brave when you’re anxious. Try it and you might feel more self-assured. Fake being interested in other people when you’re feeling low. See what happens to you.
  1. Take a timeout to calm yourself. According to a 2013 study published in the Journal of Communication, “. . . people stressed from work did not feel any more relaxed after they played video games or watched television. They often felt even worse.” It has been observed by some teachers of psychology and neuroscience, that if you’re feeling stirred up or reactive, it takes approximately 20 minutes of positive self-talk and breathing to get back into your thinking brain. In business situations, I generally leave the situation for a few minutes and take a restroom or coffee break. The short time away is enough for me to take a few deep breaths, screw on a smile, and resume my discussion.
  1. Think business at all times. Your job is to build business relationships, not make friends. You want customers or clients. If you focus on understanding and satisfying the business needs of customers and clients, you’ll be able to keep personal interests out of the equation. I’m not saying that you should skip informal small talk and jump into business talk. You need a way to break the ice and small talk in a good way to do it.
  2. Use a Cheater. Write an outline of key talking points before your meeting. Take notes and keep to your script (as best as possible). Don’t forget to breathe.

For more ideas on how to build business relationships, go to criticalconnectionsbook.com.